Day and Respite Care

Adult Day Care and short term respite care programs are increasingly becoming more affordable and easier to find.  Caregivers are recognizing that they need regular breaks from their caregiving duties to refresh and renew themselves.  The patient can still establish relationships and now has a social outlet which can be a boon for his/her morale.  Knowing our Loved One is in a safe environment, provides peace of mind for the caregiver who can urn errands, or go away for a few days.

Placement

 One of the hardest issues is appropriate placement.  There may be a waiting list, financial hardships, emotional turmoil, family pressures and inability to make a decision.  Please take good care of your own needs.  This is not a selfish act, it is often a necessary step along this painful dementia journey.  Too many caregivers have died from the martyr syndrome.  We truly need to understand that marriage and / or family vows and promises may need to be amended.  Please make sure you take care of yourself first…as this will allow you to continue to be an advocate and loving presence for your Loved One in their new home. 

Visiting & Relationships

 Visiting a person who has a form of dementia at home or in a facility can be full of anxiety, guilt and loathing.  Why should I visit him/her?  We never did have a very good relationship, why start one now?  Think about this:  If the patient was you…how would you want the relationship to heal and how would you like to be treated?

 Perhaps you are a member of the clergy and this is a part of your job” that you would rather skip because you do not know what to say to someone who is impaired.  Just quietly being with the person is enough to combat the constant pain of loneliness.  A wonderful book on this subject is: “There's Still a Person in There.”  Some family members may become the “designated caregiver” and some may stop all communication and visits with the impaired person because it is too painful to see him/her like this;  or I want to remember him/her the way they were.  Emotional immaturity and selfishness may be an issue.  Letting go of our expectations for others may give us peace, a measure of comfort and emotional healing during this critical time.